So with the excitement of finishing our book, I've completed my letter to potential birthmothers. This was a very difficult letter to write.. so much to say yet so hard to come up with the right words. Really all I want to say to her is THANK you, thank you thank you thank you... even just for considering us. The courage it takes to choose adoption really blows me away and I have complete and total admiration for birthmothers. Unfortunately, while placement day will be the BEST day ever for us, they will experience great loss. They can't choose adoption for their baby without choosing NOT to parent. I can't even imagine going through morning sickness, doctors appointments, feeling them move for the first time, every kick and hick-up, then going through pains of child birth and deciding parenting your child is not what's best for them. While it's impossible to relate to their feeling of loss, my heart is definitely aching for their sorrow. What a selfless act.
Here's a shot from Wednesday we are using as the last page of our profile, following is the letter I wrote. (thank you sweet sister for helping me edit and organize the word vomit!!).
Dear Sweet Mother,
I imagine this decision will be made with great care and difficulty. I am sorry for the pain you’re experiencing and want you to know I am incredibly thankful for your courage to pursue adoption. Thank you for the love and selflessness you have for your baby, and I deeply appreciate you taking time to view our profile and read this letter.
From the moment I was old enough to realize what I wanted to do with my life, I knew my one desire was to be a wife and mother. I think my background influenced that wish. I grew up in a Christian home with a wonderful family. I am the youngest of three. My brother, sister, and I were very close growing up and lived a very active lifestyle. We were constantly outside and making up games. I lived a very sheltered life until high school. In high school, I rebelled a little but was instantly reminded of the path God laid out for me. I am a Christian and am no way perfect, but because of my faith, I am able to learn from my mistakes and lean on God during hard times. I feel I will be able to relate to my children in many circumstances because I definitely pushed the boundaries and experienced life.
After high school, I had a great college experience. I played collegiate volleyball for three years and enjoyed every minute of it. I met Jake while I was home on summer break, and we instantly hit it off. We went on our first date a week after knowing each other, were engaged three months later, and married within the year. I fell in love with him because he is the best man I’ve ever known. He is loving, caring, gentle, patient, attentive, trustworthy, and so much fun. I knew I wanted to marry him because I wanted to be treated with the love and respect he showed me for the rest of my life. Every day our love grows and we truly enjoy life together. We enjoy spending time with both our families, watching movies, playing sand volleyball, hosting dinner parties, and attending church. We are members at our local church and co-lead a bible study three times a month from our home. We have a great life together, but we desperately want to grow our family.
We began trying to have children a year into marriage. As I previously stated, my desire to be a mother is incredibly strong. The news of our infertility came as such a shock. I was totally heart-broken. One of the reasons I fell in love with Jake was his strong desire to be a father. I feel a man craving fatherhood is a rare gift that I cherish deeply. He will make such a wonderful father and I am so excited for the day we grow our family.
When I picture our children, I picture them happy, healthy, and active. I want to give them a fun and carefree childhood. I wish to shelter them from heartache and teach them about life. I will encourage their talents and try my best to shape them into successful adults. I will speak of God daily and pray over them constantly. I pray they grow up to believe in the God I love. I will accept them for who they are and who they want to be. I also want you to know I’m praying for you. I am praying for your decision and will continue to pray for peace and comfort during delivery. I pray you trust this adoption plan is right for you and trust your child will be in great hands.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter and consider us. I promise I will love and mother your child well. I will do my best to equip them with the tools to be successful in life, and they will be able to choose their own path. I will guide them and help them, but ultimately, I will encourage their wants and desires. When I speak of you, I will tell them of your unfailing love and strength in choosing adoption. I pray for the words to teach them about you and love them through any feelings they may have. I want them to be proud of you and love us for the life we are going to provide.
I am ready for our family to feel complete. We’ve prayed for a family, and we trust the Lord has a perfect plan for us. We are incredibly thrilled for the day we get to hold our sweet baby and hope that day comes soon.