Now, on a slightly heavier note- I had a disheartening revelation this week. Our infertility has undoubtedly been an emotional roller coaster, but I somehow convinced myself I wouldn't be overwhelmed by "waiting" during the adoption process. Last week our paperwork was ready to go minus one little detail about health insurance for our future child. It was a minor glitch and took less than a week to solve, but in waiting for paperwork I realized I was frustrated with the lack of normalcy in starting our family. I believe we are more crushed by our total lack of control or the change in plans than we are with the actual outcome. So, I had a small moment of "after all we've been through, why can't this adoption just be NORMAL"... I don't even think I know what normal means, but I felt so entitled to everything going smooth and in my time. Who promised me things would be exactly the way I imagined? Well, nobody, and adoption is really a process of waiting and full of unknowns. We are also only in the very early phases of this whole thing. In adoption there aren't guaranteed trimesters, promised due dates, or any clear indication of WHEN we will meet our child, and I need to expect a season of waiting and ask the Lord to strengthen my weary heart.
I am thankful the Lord is quickly revealing my lack of faith in Him and changing my heart early in this process. I desperately need to rest in His timing. I view this temporary frustration as a time to realize I am not waiting on an agency, I'm not waiting on a birthmother to choose us, I'm not waiting on paperwork--I'm resting in the perfect timing of our Maker.
So, until further notice- we wait... this song by Meredith Andrews really spoke to my spirit and our call to wait on Him.
Also, I hand stamped these bracelets for us. It was my first attempt so they'll do for now but I'd like to try and make a few more. They are an exciting reminder as we try to patiently await the arrival of our sweet baby.