Monday, June 25, 2012

the fog is lifting

I haven't been overwhelmed by the sorrow of infertility in a while. Maybe it's the distraction of life, the excitement of adoption, or by the grace of God. But, when I sat down to write the last post I was in a full on funk!

As I've said before, I've been fairly numb lately. In a way, I felt protected and as if the Lord was just giving me a break from the daily emotional challenges of our circumstance. However, after writing the last *much needed* post. I realize the fog was slowly lifting. I am constantly reminded it is okay to hurt, it's okay to be sad, but ultimately my joy is everlasting. I don't ever want a heavy post to be misconstrued that I'm blaming others for my response to them, or I'm not completely joy filled. I am. I have pure joy and deep sorrow. Learning to balance the two is very challenging. Just know--- I am good. Bad days come, but end of the day- The Lord my God has me right where He wants me- I have a personal relationship with Him and I know He hears me. I trust He will sustain me.

Also, I met a sweet woman after church who has a 2 month old adopted daughter and I felt the Lord's personal encouragement. She mentioned she'd seen me crying during service before and felt in her gut it was infertility related but never said anything. **I was thinking, geez, which time?** But when my father-in-law told them we were adopting too, she wasn't going to let another moment pass without speaking to me! She was so honest about all her fears and shared their amazing adoption journey. She also made it very clear she is available for me during this time. I am so thankful she stopped me and opened up to me, sometimes I feel a little behind in the game and it's nice to know other people feel the same way we do! So, the Lord is already working in building up our adoptive community and I'm so grateful he used her and her precious family to lift the fog even more.

I'm still a little foggy- but I feel MUCH better and am reminded I never walk alone.

Never Once- Matt Redman

**Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say,
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

2 comments:

  1. This song has meant so much to me through so much. Praying for you, Jake and your sweet baby!

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