Monday, July 30, 2012

His Beloved

Quick update: My grandpa is in a rehab hospital and is physically doing much better. He is very confused and they are trying to evaluate the damage of the stroke and come up with a game plan. Thank you for your prayers, and please continue to pray for him and my grandma. Sweet little Mim and Sir.
Also- I worked out this morning! yess. 

okay, I have three more weeks of Esther and then I'll find a new inspiration for posts :)... until then.. Let's dive in to session six.

"It's tough being a woman who feels responsible for the "how."

This study talks about The Reversal of Destiny in our lives, which Beth Moore defines as a time when "God appoints or allows circumstances (often crises) in our lives to redirect our paths, which begins with an unexpected pivot." Beth Moore makes some very interesting parallels in the book which I just don't have time to dig into all of it; however, I highly recommend doing this Esther study with the women in your life!

So, as it applies to me, this reversal of destiny, moment of pivot, significantly occured in my life three times:

1. As a little girl when Jesus Christ became my personal savior! (obviously my life was forever changed in this moment; although, He continued to work on my heart as I rebelled from Him in my teenage years). 

2. Meeting Jake as a 20 year old and marrying him before my 21st birthday!! Amazing, exciting, and very much a pivotal point in my life. I was not desiring the Lord and was in a spiritual drought beyond measure! The Lord used our marriage to renew my spirit and turn my heart towards Him. It wasn't a bad gig, I did get an incredibly sexy husband out of the deal ;).

3. First year into marriage- began trying to conceive, Year 2- began testing and treatments; Year 3- took a break from "trying". Year 4  break/adoption Year 5 ADOPTION! Okay, so I believe the original diagnosis was the circumstance God used to create the unexpected pivot in my life and it took 3 years to actually change my heart. This new found freedom and accepting our reality allows me to really let go of the "how".

I'm no longer consumed by the thought of how do we grow our family, how do we overcome this sorrow, how will we get the call about adoption, how will we make the decision for the NEXT child.. how how how. Whew- it's nice to know God has the "how" under control. I also find it extremely beautiful that the pivot of my journey came some what out of "no where". It wasn't when we chose treatement, it wasn't when we stepped away from treatment, it wasn't even when we chose adoption--and He didn't wait for our adoption. His timing, over and over, drills in my heart it's not the event or "answer" I need.. it's Him. Each change in our plan obviously created growth, but this has been a loooong journey of turning my heart towards my reversal of destiny and realization it's not about ME! 

I am a work in progress and I find myself praying daily this passion for Him and state of peace lasts. I pray I remember this pivotal point in our journey- I thank the Lord He's showing me all the ways I'm bent towards sin and encouraging me to press into His word. I am so grateful He loves me and has a greater plan for my life than I could ever imagine. A sweet soul reached out to me and said something that struck a chord in my heart "I've had to say goodbye to a life I had planned for myself and try to become, not just accepting, but thankful for God's plan for my life." 

"When the God of all creation reserves a remark for you, Beloved, that's all you need to be remarkable"
-Beth Moore 

My Beloved
Kari Jobe

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