This weekend we finally started our registry and truly began daydreaming of what we "need" for baby... we didn't buy anything, but we did pick up some family hand-me-downs. I'm thankful my sister is letting us borrow her car seat with two bases and stroller system. So we're prepping, as much as we can, for the day we are able to pick up our sweet baby. Last night I was picking up the house and needed to put something in the nursery, and it happened--- I saw the car seat and I burst into tears. They were mostly happy tears, picturing us loading up the car to meet our child for the first time. I ran into the kitchen and just wept into Jake. I.cannot.WAIT!
It's hard to express emotions on this journey because I've become somewhat calloused. It's a hyper emotional experience, yet a constant balance to keep these emotions healthy and in check. This generally causes me to air on the side of no emotions. Not yesterday... I couldn't fight the urge to picture our sweet baby in that car seat. While I was in the nursery I did some straightening up and put the car seat in the closet (didn't want another meltdown to sneak up). I'm used to seeing the crib, changing table, and glider because it's been an active nursery for two years :). It's the new stuff--- the things I know are specifically for baby Piatt, not the things used by wonderful infant house guests :) While I was in there, I sat and read the sweet book "I Wished For You" by Marianne Richmond. The entire book is wonderful, but this is what I want to share with you today:
Her son asks her how often she thought of him...
I NEVER stop thinking about our child. I pray for him or her daily. I'm constantly picturing where I'll be when we get the call.. and what our exact adoption story will be. I'm so excited to share it and it's not even here!!
I love the sweet picture below of precious mama bear on her knees with little notes she's written to God all over- "when?" "dear God, just a reminder" "dear God, please pick out the perfect child for me"
So this morning, I sat to write this post and talk about how often I think of our sweet baby. Morning coffee and computer ready:
Then my phone rang--- Hope Cottage!!! Our profile is being shown tomorrow and I've never wanted to be chosen more in this entire process. I'll share more details if we are chosen but please, please, please pray for us. This would be the most amazing thing I could picture for our adoption story. The moment I heard this news I felt like "okay, Lord, THIS is why you've waited... this is why it hasn't been US yet". Now, I'm sure the other families feel the same way we do--- but I am scared by how much I want this to be it.
I will be devastated if we are not chosen, but admitting how desperately I want this to be it won't change the level of disappointment if we aren't. So here it is-- right in the middle of my morning coffee... the best call we've received this far. I'm also fully aware if this is not the call, I'll be okay. I trust when we hold our baby for the first time-- I will know I couldn't have imagined and wished for anything better.
So sweet child of mine-- I thought of you, wished and hoped for you, prayed for you, and loved you every second of every day. Please come home soon.