Tuesday, October 30, 2012

post-placement #1

Yesterday was our first post-placement meeting and everything was wonderful. We have a new counselor/social worker, Ms. A, and we were so excited to have her in our home. We were incredibly nervous before our first home study interview (read about it here), but we weren't anxious at all about this meeting. We had a great time telling her about all of our emotions, thoughts, and experiences over the last month.  I can't believe he's been home for a month already, time sure does fly when you're having fun :)

We also had a chance to discuss Carson's birth mother, we'll refer to her as Miss K. We put together a gift for her which consisted of a photo album, copy of our adoption video, a bracelet similar to mine, and a letter. I'm not posting the letter because conversations with her will remain private and intimate. I will, however, let y'all know when we meet her, what we think, and how we're going to proceed- y'all won't be totally out of the loop. Miss K is doing very well and we are thrilled to say she's encouraged by our photos and knows she made the right decision. We are hoping to meet her for the first time in early December. Please pray for us during this new, exciting part of our journey. When we first began this process, before we were educated, we really wanted "closed" adoption; however, having Carson makes my heart swell with pride and respect for Miss K. I am forever grateful to her, and consider it an honor to meet her, speak with her, and remain in contact (via agency). I pray she remains confident in her choice, and hope her grieving process is positive and brings healing to her life. Please please please hear me when we say she is special to us, please don't speak negative about her in any way. She is brave and loves Carson so very much. Her love for him is the reason we are privileged to call him our son.

He is such a joy and has so much personality.. I hope you enjoy these little clips.
video dump 10.30:



Monday, October 22, 2012

a place to lay his head

We've had our nursery ready, well functional, for over 2 years. I first began filling the room with baby furniture during the sweet time I spent caring for my nephew. I knew I'd want to give the room a face lift when we brought our baby home, and I spent quite a lot of time picturing what I would do. Well, after two wonderful showers and sooooo many gifts, I realized not only did I want to make it his room, I also desperately needed storage. We have our fall party this weekend followed by our first post-placement visit next week, and I wanted this project finished!! I don't really function well when things are out of place; therefore, his stuff not having a place was driving me crazy ... I really felt like I desperately needed him to have a finished room, an organized closet, and a place to lay his head.

Casa de Carson:












Sunday, October 21, 2012

such a joy

A big thanks to Daniel, Jake's brother, for making this amazing video for us. Get your tissue ready. Enjoy.



Carson Wayne - Adoption Story from Daniel Piatt on Vimeo.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Showered with love

Finally having a chance to update this thing!-- Carson still sleeps 12-13 hours a night and naps very well. He's on the small side but seems to be happy and healthy :) He's just little all over and we can't get enough of him. He is so sweet and has such a fun personality.

He did so well during both of our amazing showers. Last weekend we had a big shower at my parent's house (thanks to soooo many people for putting it together). It was so special for him to meet family and the dearest of family friends. We can't begin to express how loved we feel. Carson was such a sport and let everyone hold him. He didn't have one melt down but, let me tell you, he was exhausted. We spent most of this past week recuperating and preparing for today. This morning we had a wonderful shower at the Meath's. Robin and Raechel did so much to make it a very special morning. Thanks. Carson is napping now and is extremely tired :)

We want to thank all of you for showering us with gifts, but most of all, for the genuine excitement and love you have for our family. We feel so honored by the way people are whole-heartedly celebrating with us. It's been a long road and ending with a shower at the Meath's house today was perfection. We were in their home 3 times a month for 3+ years during some really dark and wonderful times. Trying to conceive, going through testing, infertility treatments, failed treatments, stepping away from treatments, trying to put everything on "hold," and then stepping out to host a small group in our home. We were fed, encouraged, challenged, and so loved in their home---it was a perfect place to celebrate our sweet Carson.

Pictures of family shower:







I'll post today's shower photos as soon as I get them! Also, hoping to post a wonderful video very soon. 

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

My new normal

Time is really going by very quickly, and I feel Carson is changing daily. He's such a joy and I can't get over how much I love him. I knew I would love having a baby in our home and the sweet task of caring for a child BUT I really couldn't imagine the amount of love I have for him. It sounds crazy to say because of the deep love I felt for him before I even knew about him- but now that he's here- wow, I am overwhelmed with joy.

Here's what I've noticed about our journey this far- Week 1 I was very much in task mode. I was extremely emotional, but it seemed more educational. I was studying every detail of his face and trying to read all of his signs and expressions. I wanted to learn how to meet his needs in the very best, most efficient way. I wanted him to learn my voice and smell- so, educational and a bit emotional. Week 2, however, was extremely emotional. The reality began to sink in and the dust was settling, I was still making a real effort to learn anything and everything about him, but it didn't seem so pressing that I know every detail in his packet of medical records or have the answer to everything right now. We also took him to church for the first time and it was such a sweet morning. For sooo many years and a million Sundays, we've ached to hold our baby during service. For me, I was really looking forward to praise and worship and it was everything I hoped for and more. Rolling into Week 3 everything about this feels like my new normal and I am LOVING it! I woke up this morning and felt like I didn't have anything on my mind but loving and playing with our sweet son. He's been coughing a bit and had a low grade fever but seems to be much better and he STILL slept through the night, skipped his night time feeding (probably just pure exhaustion), and woke up wearing his biggest smile. I am so in love with the new role God blessed me with. I am forever grateful for Carson and it's a fact: motherhood is my new normal. 

Just for full disclosure, there are things about this journey that are still, well hard, annoying. Hard is not the right word because infertility, and waiting for our son was hard, these things are small annoyances of adoption. We are trying to add Carson to our insurance, but we won't have access to his SSN until finalization- okay, next step is try the certificate of placement and/or filing for his tax ID. Now, this is not a huge deal but we'll need to find a pediatrician (we have his 4 month scheduled already)- but do I put him in the system as Carson or his legal name? Right, so in 6 months we'll be able to "finalize" our adoption. Until then, his legal name is not Carson Wayne, and he still holds the name his birth mother gave him. So-- I picked up a prescription for him the first night we brought him home and I stumbled over his "last" name and his date of birth. We need to find an attorney for finalization and schedule once a month post-placement visits with our agency.---Trust me when I say these things are small small small in comparison of the joy we have. I just wanted to shed a little light on a few more aspects of this little journey that really is just beginning :) We have so much to look forward to, along with many potential worries and fears. But the Lord is sweet to remind me- He brought us this blessing, and we don't need to know everything now or ever. For now, for this season, my beautiful three month old is waking up from his morning nap with the sweetest coo I've ever heard. God is so good.

Just a few new pics-

Getting ready for our first mommy/son trip to target. First of many I'm sure!



Church- he did so well, Jake stood with him in the back during the sermon because he was talking sooo loud. Not upset, just noisy :). Then he took a short nap on me and woke up in a great mood. We went to our favorite breakfast spot (bochy's) and he only fussed a tiny bit on the short drive home, then took two 2+ hour naps!! Success. Oh, and he spit up and soaked Jake and I but managed to keep it off himself, niiiice. 



Picture of the screen-this is how I'll be able to sleep. I've been exhausted for two weeks because he was in our room and any little move he made I SHOT up out of bed. So, thanks to Mim, we bought a fancy monitor to give me peace of mind and sleep. Something is clearly not right when I have a 3 month old sleeping 12 hours a night and I'm exhausted...??? 


And this is how he woke up this morning!! 


love.him.so.much.it.hurts.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Is this real???

I've been meaning to sit down and blog but really just didn't even know what to say. I have plenty of time to write, he's a wonderful sleeper and is perfectly content 95% of the time. I've just been in a state of shock (the good kind). We are finally settling in to life as a family and can tell he's really getting comfortable with us and his new home. He responds to our voices and is very interested in everything we are doing. He is really enjoying spending quality time with Jake since he's been off this whole time (yesss!).

I still find myself looking at him in such awe and think "is this real"... "is he finally here??" Such a long road and man was he worth the wait. I don't know exactly how to explain how perfect this feels, but it's almost as if the pain and sorrow of waiting and waiting is quickly fading. I remember infertility and the ups and downs of the adoption process, trust me, I remember feeling hopeless so many stretches along the way; however, he fits our family so well- it's as if it all makes perfect sense. The road we traveled was bumpy and seemed off course, it never felt "right".. until now. If we had to wait another 10 years for Carson, I'd do it, thank the Lord we didn't have to wait another minute to kiss this sweet child, but make no mistake- I'd do it, I'd wait for him. 

 *I Wished for You- by Marianne Richmond

I keep playing these glorious moments over and over- the day we got the phone call, seeing his picture for the first time, prepping his nursery, driving to go pick him up, and finally holding him! I never want to forget how perfect it felt, how at peace I am. It's really been a humbling and beautiful experience and I am so proud and very much in love with our son. 

Dearest Carson,

I am so in love with you. You are so much fun and we are loving every single minute with you. You are such a sweet boy. Everyone falls in love with you the moment they meet you! We've enjoyed getting to know you- learning your tired cry and your hungry cry. We love your many facial expressions and try very hard to capture them :) I apologize for the amount of pictures I'm taking of you, but you just get cuter every day and I cherish all of your precious moments. I have a hard time focusing on anything else because I just want to kiss you, play with you, and talk to you. Your dad asks me at least 4 times a night if he can wake you up because he misses you. I laugh and tell him no, but I feel the same way. I spent some time running errands and visiting a friend this morning, and I couldn't stay as long as I planned because I missed you waaay too much. I cherish the time we have together so much, and love when you rest your head on my chest. I love to see our bond growing daily and I'm already emotional thinking of the day you call me mom. You really are the cutest boy I've ever seen... we are taking you to church for the first time tomorrow and can't wait to show you off! I'm so excited to see you grow, but I also would be okay if time stood still, just for this moment.. just for this season.

I love you,
Mom
New Photos:

*Bracelet my sis-in-law bought me to replace my waiting bracelet. It has his date of birth, name, and placement date :) So thoughtful- I LOVE it.











*First hair cut- don't worry, it was just a little on his neck and top of his ears--- he loved it- smiled and laughed the whole time.



Dylan calls him Baby Carsons and desperately wanted to give him his "milk".


*love his side smirk*


He already loves being outside!- it was really pretty, about 79 degrees. 


*Our first family outing- hard to believe it dropped 30 degrees in a day!!!
(in the 40s)





Thanks for stopping by!!