Wednesday, October 10, 2012

My new normal

Time is really going by very quickly, and I feel Carson is changing daily. He's such a joy and I can't get over how much I love him. I knew I would love having a baby in our home and the sweet task of caring for a child BUT I really couldn't imagine the amount of love I have for him. It sounds crazy to say because of the deep love I felt for him before I even knew about him- but now that he's here- wow, I am overwhelmed with joy.

Here's what I've noticed about our journey this far- Week 1 I was very much in task mode. I was extremely emotional, but it seemed more educational. I was studying every detail of his face and trying to read all of his signs and expressions. I wanted to learn how to meet his needs in the very best, most efficient way. I wanted him to learn my voice and smell- so, educational and a bit emotional. Week 2, however, was extremely emotional. The reality began to sink in and the dust was settling, I was still making a real effort to learn anything and everything about him, but it didn't seem so pressing that I know every detail in his packet of medical records or have the answer to everything right now. We also took him to church for the first time and it was such a sweet morning. For sooo many years and a million Sundays, we've ached to hold our baby during service. For me, I was really looking forward to praise and worship and it was everything I hoped for and more. Rolling into Week 3 everything about this feels like my new normal and I am LOVING it! I woke up this morning and felt like I didn't have anything on my mind but loving and playing with our sweet son. He's been coughing a bit and had a low grade fever but seems to be much better and he STILL slept through the night, skipped his night time feeding (probably just pure exhaustion), and woke up wearing his biggest smile. I am so in love with the new role God blessed me with. I am forever grateful for Carson and it's a fact: motherhood is my new normal. 

Just for full disclosure, there are things about this journey that are still, well hard, annoying. Hard is not the right word because infertility, and waiting for our son was hard, these things are small annoyances of adoption. We are trying to add Carson to our insurance, but we won't have access to his SSN until finalization- okay, next step is try the certificate of placement and/or filing for his tax ID. Now, this is not a huge deal but we'll need to find a pediatrician (we have his 4 month scheduled already)- but do I put him in the system as Carson or his legal name? Right, so in 6 months we'll be able to "finalize" our adoption. Until then, his legal name is not Carson Wayne, and he still holds the name his birth mother gave him. So-- I picked up a prescription for him the first night we brought him home and I stumbled over his "last" name and his date of birth. We need to find an attorney for finalization and schedule once a month post-placement visits with our agency.---Trust me when I say these things are small small small in comparison of the joy we have. I just wanted to shed a little light on a few more aspects of this little journey that really is just beginning :) We have so much to look forward to, along with many potential worries and fears. But the Lord is sweet to remind me- He brought us this blessing, and we don't need to know everything now or ever. For now, for this season, my beautiful three month old is waking up from his morning nap with the sweetest coo I've ever heard. God is so good.

Just a few new pics-

Getting ready for our first mommy/son trip to target. First of many I'm sure!



Church- he did so well, Jake stood with him in the back during the sermon because he was talking sooo loud. Not upset, just noisy :). Then he took a short nap on me and woke up in a great mood. We went to our favorite breakfast spot (bochy's) and he only fussed a tiny bit on the short drive home, then took two 2+ hour naps!! Success. Oh, and he spit up and soaked Jake and I but managed to keep it off himself, niiiice. 



Picture of the screen-this is how I'll be able to sleep. I've been exhausted for two weeks because he was in our room and any little move he made I SHOT up out of bed. So, thanks to Mim, we bought a fancy monitor to give me peace of mind and sleep. Something is clearly not right when I have a 3 month old sleeping 12 hours a night and I'm exhausted...??? 


And this is how he woke up this morning!! 


love.him.so.much.it.hurts.

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