Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Post placement #4 and a little more..

Our post placement went really well. We were proud to show how well Carson is doing. He's got the sweetest personality and we love him so very much. We discussed our next post placement, which happens next month, and we get to start the paperwork for our finalization. WAHOO!! It will be our last visit, we'll do all the paperwork, then contact the lawyer, and set up a court date. I can't believe it's almost time to plan this thing. We are only a few short months away from the best.day.ever.

Last Sunday we attended my parents church and their pastor preached a powerful sermon on abortion. It was a tough sermon; however, he used Carson's story to end on a positive note. It was an emotional day, thinking about the possibility of Miss K being too scared to choose adoption.. what if she'd chosen the socially acceptable, legal option. I'm so thankful she chose to give him life. He showed our adoption video (watch here) and then all three of us went up to the front. Carson was sleeping on Jake during the service and he woke up because of the bright stage lights. It was the cutest thing, he opened his eyes, Jake sat him up on his hip, and Carson scanned the crowd with a puzzled look. He didn't cry or get scared- his expression was something of a hmm, what on earth is going on?...

Carson wore Sir's tie tack and he sure looked handsome.


A very powerful display on the hill of the church:
Each of these 3.315 white crosses represents a baby aborted each day in our country. 
Such a tragedy. 


Photo dump 1.23












70 degrees in January. I do believe it's a beautiful day to take the boat out. 














Tuesday, January 15, 2013

2013 Goals

Lord help me in 2013...

1. Fall more in love with my Savior. Focus on things of Him. I'm praying what it means to truly love Him and desire more of Him. I feel like through infertility I had NO chance but to cling to Him. I learned how to have deep joy and sorrow by trusting in Him. We are now in a season of prosper and answered prayers, what does it look like to trust the Lord in this season?

2. Love, hold, and cherish Carson. Pray for him daily.

3. Challenge myself in my marriage. Fight the urge to be lazy, inconsiderate, and selfish by pressing into the Lord. I desire to wake up every day full of joy in my marriage. *this is not saying we aren't happy or doing well at this time* However, so often I feel exhausted by life and circumstances I just want a time out. I've learned this has a very negative affect on my heart towards Jake. (shocker)

4. Spend more time in the Word of God. I'm doing another Beth Moore study; however, I don't always do the day 1 on Monday. I tend to play catch up at the end of the week. It's not too much to ask of myself to read the portion of James daily! So, I'm starting with that!

5. Focus my attention on others instead of myself. By the grace of God I've found a lot of freedom with infertility, and the deep wounds are healing well. I still find myself in judgement of others when parenthood comes so easily and naturally to them. When anger and bitterness arise towards someone, I'm going to pray for them instead of justifying the ugly thoughts.

6. Confess more. Recent events in our world made me realize how scary secret sin can be. It can tear families apart and wreck your world. The Lord is so gracious to give us several people in our life in which we feel called to walk closely in all areas of life. I want to learn to use this blessing as a means to grow closer to Him. This happens in time, with patience, and commitment to one another.

7. Gossip less. This one is hard... I don't want to be a gossip. I don't want to be ugly towards other people, but it's so easy to fall into the trap of "christian gossip." It's gossip ladies, and it's hurtful.. let's stop. Please help me. I will not be a part of it.

8. Start Insanity and follow through with it for two months. (I started, hurt my back, then the holiday gluttony consumed me)

9. Train for the HH100 (here). Actually train, not just think about training tomorrow. Problem with my mindset is tomorrow never comes because it always becomes today.

10. Blog once a week! I don't even know how many people read this, but it's therapeutic for me. I started writing here to keep people up to speed on our process. I began writing for others, desiring to educate my close friends, and create a safe place to share my struggles. Now, I write for me. I've found myself through this online journal and I'd like to keep it up!

Draw Me Nearer
Meredith Andrews

Friday, January 11, 2013

love.this.kid

Carson had his 6 month check up this week. The doctor is really happy with his progress and feels he's gaining weight beautifully. He's a little guy, but he's growing up so quickly. Here's a Carson update:

-he's sitting up really well
-eating fruit/veggies/puffs
-drinking 28oz daily in 7oz bottles
-transferring items from one hand to the other
-playing peek-a-boo and has quite a sense of humor!
-starting to get frustrated he's unable to move. No crawling yet, but he's definitely interested in moving. (rolling to get toys, head down, arms extended while kicking legs trying to figure it all out)
-he loves to stand and jump
-he loves dancing with me. so precious.
-he smiles differently at dad than he does at me.
-he sleeps from 8-7:30 and takes 2-two hour naps a day
-favorite sound is da,da,da,da and a solid high pitch scream :)
-he has such a sweet spirit, he truly brings joy to everyone he meets.



wahoo 1%-4% in two months. 


He was so sensitive for two days after his shots. Low grade fever, not very smiley, runny nose, and cried at the littlest things. I know I'm a terrible mom for taking a photo in this state and posting it. But he's so happy all the time, it's good to see he cries. He was close to nap time and ready for a bottle, but this was because he dropped a little ball he was holding:


Back to himself the next day!!!







His laugh is contagious!!!

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Happy New Year

.. only a few days late :)

We rang in the New Year with The Haley's. We had an italian dinner followed by a slumber party. We played Seinfeld scene it and toasted champagne in our pjs! At midnight we snuck in to our room *Carson was a gentlemen and let Finley have his bed for the night, so he crashed in a pack 'n play in our room* and gave him his first New Year's kiss. We were expecting it to be an extremely sweet moment and thought we'd shed a few tears of joy--here's how it really went down: We snuck in and noticed he was pressed up against the side of the pack n' play, so we moved him ever so gently to the middle of it. After we kissed his sweet face he ripped one, then another one, then another one, and let out a little sigh. I'm talking major league gas people, we ran out of the room laughing hysterically. I love memories like this. 

2012 was a pivotal year for us in many ways, here's a little recap:

-We decided to begin our adoption journey.
-I started this blog. 
-We helped my grandparents move from their beautiful home to an assisted living here in Denton. I'm so thankful they moved to be closer to family. 
-We witnessed several friends bring their children into the world. 
-We lost the best grandpa in the whole world. I love you and miss you Sir.
- We celebrated 5 years of marriage. 
-We started a Home Group with the Haley's which God has blessed immensely. 
-Jake left a toxic work environment to start a company with Cole. SIDI is going better than we could've imagined in a short amount of time.
-My best friend from college got married. Same friend is now pregnant. Congratulations!
-I visited SPI, it's been a while, and I got to see the Rudders for the first time in a few years :)
-I was on antibiotics for what felt like the entire year of 2012. 
-The Lord gave me the freedom to really accept our infertility. (here
-I lost a childhood friend, Emily.
-I made new friendships and mourned the loss of other friendships.
-I did two Beth Moore studies with dear friends.
- We met some pretty impressive financial goals. 
-I got two tattoos. Yes TWO! see them here
-The Lord grew our sweet family and we brought Carson home. 
-We've learned to be patient with those as they fail to understand the complexity of adoption. I've learned to be more confident in my response, and I try not be so sensitive. People just don't get it, and it's like the gospel-unless you've experienced it, it's incomprehensible. 
-We've experienced great trials with our family and the Lord is still working in those areas. Not resolved, but striving to seek Him and trust Him in this extreme heart break. 
-The Lord was faithful to grow me. He pulled on my heart and through pain and joy gave me more of Him. In times where I felt totally hopeless in our circumstances, and was convinced we'd never be a family-- here we are, may the Lord continue to be our focus, and may we struggle well in our new role that is parenthood. 

We enter 2013 blessed beyond measure. We have a lot to look forward to, one thing in particular is Carson becoming a Piatt. We don't have the date yet, but we will appear in front of a judge in March or April and finalize our adoption. I don't have a significant amount of fear it won't happen, I believe everything will go smoothly, but truth is, we have temporary custody via early placement. I'm so ready for all the legal documents to reflect how I feel in my heart. He's our son, his name is Carson Wayne, he is a Piatt.... but every month when I fill his prescription, or when I receive an email reminding me of his 6 month check up, it still says Michael M****. I'm reminded we aren't quite there, but oh so close. This is not meant as negative. I'm grateful for the 6 months we are able to fall in love with our son before he legally becomes part of our family forever. It's a sweet time I don't want to be clouded with negativity and fear. I feel blessed to be a part of something which so clearly reflects God's love for us. How wonderful it is to be called by a new name and adopted into His family. How wonderful the Lord is for allowing me to love Carson as my own, even though I didn't give birth to him. He is mine and I am his. I will be one proud mama when the judge pronounces him officially ours; but, I fall before the true Judge in humility for allowing me to be Carson's mother. 

Early January photo dump:







Okay, I asked Jake to get dressed Monday morning and this is what I walk in to find... too funny!






up next.. 2013 Goals. I'd like to post at least once a week in 2013 :) I'm back!