Two things I want to accomplish in this post: A quick Carson update and our new normal.
Carson still loves trash trucks. He gets excited every tuesday night because he knows they come on Wednesdays. It's become a special time because I get him out of bed a little early and we wait for the trash truck to come. He loves it!
He is still on the small side, but he eats pretty well and stays active. He's just a little peanut. He is starting to understand his adoption. He asks to read his adoption book and watch his adoption movie. He would probably watch it all day.
He is really smart. I'm his mom so I have to say that, but no really... this kid is sharp. He knows his abc's, can count to 10, potty trained before 2, sleeps in a big boy bed, knows a lot of his colors, and communicates ridiculously well. He also knows Psalm 119: 1-9. Okay, brag much?
His little mind is so funny. The other day we were driving late from visiting our new niece and the moon was out.
Carson: I can see the moon from back here.
Me: Cool, the moon is really big and bright tonight.
Carson: hold it, hold the moon?
The conversation went on for a while, and was pretty funny. But, right then and there I wished I could give him the moon to hold. I would have done anything to make that possible... which brings me to my next point. Fostering is hard with a two year old. It's also beautiful.
The last thing I want in this world is for Carson to be entitled. It's a fine line between being crazy about our kids and being crazy about them. I struggle with wanting to shelter him, achieve perfection, and with pride. I'm a mom, okay?
Carson had to learn how to share his parents, his home, his life with twin boys over night. As a two year old, he doesn't fully understand why they are here; however, we do our best to explain. He knows they were hurt and needed a home. For the most part he loves playing with them, but there are major moments of jealousy. They do require a lot of attention from us. On top of that, they have appointments all the time! People are always coming to the house to visit them, check on them, ECI (early childhood intervention) comes for in home play therapy. Well, Carson tends to get a little frustrated when we have long days "all about the boys." We do make an effort to spend special time with him, as we do with all the boys. One on one time is precious and we will always try to have those moments. We are doing our best to show him grace during this transition period. However, seeing a spoiled little two year old throw a fit over sharing toys and attention is not an easy thing to stomach. It's also hard when the reason could give him an excuse. Many people have expressed we should take it easy on him... We do understand the difficulty in the change, but do our best to teach him a better way to cope. Every 2 year old has their own struggle, and for Carson, it's learning his role as a foster brother. We have good moments, and we have bad ones.. It brings me so much joy to see him soften and grow and learn to accept this as his new norm. It is absolutely beautiful. It's an adjustment for all of us. Sometimes I miss the days when it was just me and C hanging out. I fear he will be overshadowed, I fear he doesn't get enough attention, I fear it will change him for the worst. Now that we are here, I see it changing him, it is hard for him. It's hard for all of us. But, the reality is: the world is broken.. we have welcomed the brokenness into our home and something would be wrong if it didn't change all of us.
So, dear Carson, our sweet sweet Carson... we love you enough to show you it's not all about you! Our prayer for you is you grow up impacted by your role as a foster brother, an adopted son, but most of all as a child of Christ.
Fostering is hard, and Lord willing we will do it again, and again, and again.