Tuesday, November 18, 2014

God is love.

Today started as a normal day. I got up and got ready for the day, then went to get the boys. Took Carson potty, got him dressed, changed boys diapers, got them dressed. Headed to the table for breakfast. Mundane breakfast (oatmeal, banana, milk, waffles)... Prepped lunches, packed their little back packs, socks, shoes, and then at 8:47 something amazing happened. As I went to zip their little jackets, I looked into their eyes, and all of a sudden God broke my heart and His love flowed out of me. I am officially, completely in love with our foster kids. I started bawling, it was an overwhelming supernatural type of love. Praise the Lord! I hugged them and asked their forgiveness for not loving them the way I've wanted to. I promised them things will change and I will love them forever.

I have struggled with this so much. I have been willing to love these boys. I've lovingly and faithfully met all their needs. I've loved them so much and not at all. I've prayed for unconditional love. I did my best to trust the Lord. I praised Him, for He is love. I asked for patience. I stayed obedient in my role. I waited for what seemed like a very long time. I felt brokenhearted going to bed each night knowing I still wasn't there. I meditated on His promises. I tried, but I could not force it. I could not make myself trust the Lord completely in this.

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is [a]born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. By this the love of God was manifested [b]in us, that God has sent His [c]only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. 10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us. 13 By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. 14 We have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 16 We have come to know and have believed the love which God has [d]for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 17 By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear [e]involves punishment, and the one who fears is notperfected in love. 19 We love, because He first loved us. 20 If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also." -1 John 4:7-21 

Although I am not perfect. By the grace and goodness of God, I am able to show these boys perfect love. Amen.


**I cried off and on all day today! Carson kept asking "mommy sad?".. 
No, Carson, mommy is happy. Very happy. 

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