I have struggled with this so much. I have been willing to love these boys. I've lovingly and faithfully met all their needs. I've loved them so much and not at all. I've prayed for unconditional love. I did my best to trust the Lord. I praised Him, for He is love. I asked for patience. I stayed obedient in my role. I waited for what seemed like a very long time. I felt brokenhearted going to bed each night knowing I still wasn't there. I meditated on His promises. I tried, but I could not force it. I could not make myself trust the Lord completely in this.
"1 John 4:7-21
Although I am not perfect. By the grace and goodness of God, I am able to show these boys perfect love. Amen.
**I cried off and on all day today! Carson kept asking "mommy sad?"..
No, Carson, mommy is happy. Very happy.